Nobody Beats the Whiz (with)

Before I go out to eat somewhere new, I do my background research.  I love reviews-they're subjective as hell, but I DO take advice, or at least I take information into consideration.  So, when Denver Daily Deals had a $10 worth of food for $5 at Denver Ted's Cheesesteaks, it took me all of 30 seconds to assess the collective view of the Yelpers and pull the trigger.  I could tell from the reviews that service/attitude may be questionable, but the sandwich should be solid.  Besides, it's less than one city block from my lady friend's apartment.  They're only open 11-7 Monday through Saturday, so I thought that it may be a while before we checked it out, because it would have to be late week/weekend before we had a chance to walk over, and my weekends are literally booked for several months.  But the opportunity came much sooner, and Monday we headed over for lunch.

                                    It's what on the inside that counts....

Once inside, it's clear that there is only one function of this place, and that's to make cheesesteaks.  I like a place that is purpose driven.  The decor is not going to distract you; the old benches, bar tables, and tile ceiling remind you that this place has been in business for a while, and not because it tried to create a hip ambiance.  Pretty plain, but somebody's a fan of good music; I did notice a John Scofield "Mile High 2005" poster framed on the wall, along with a the pinups and concert fliers for a lot of good bands.  Just sayin'.  On to the menu, which is simple and to the point.....

Seriously, if you walk in this joint and special order, they should absolutely charge you extra....

So, some of my friends go in to places like this, order something the place is not known for, and complain.  That is taboo in my book.  Order what a place is known for!  Any cheesesteak enthusiast knows that the only way to order is Whiz With.  Sure, Cheese Whiz is kind of gross, on principle.  I'd never put it on a cheese tray or pair it with wine, but there's something about the way that it interacts with the steak that is in my mind distinctive and delicious.  I think it's the fact that Cheese Whiz melts and liquefies immediately when it touches the hot sandwich.  Provolone and American are good on sandwiches, but the way Whiz interacts with the ingredients is memorable; a distinguishing taste difference between a sandwich shoppe and a proper cheesesteak establishment.  So, without delay, I ordered a large, Whiz With.  Like any hole in the wall in Philly, no one blinked an eye with the order because that's how it's supposed to be done....

                                                   Let's do this.

Approximately ten minutes eclipsed, and one of the guys finally brought our steak sandwich over to us.  I say "finally" because watching others receive their subs made me hungry enough to consider taking my belt off and gnawing on it.  But alas, here it was:

 Oh, cheesesteak, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you.....


There's a certain beauty to a simple culinary concoction done properly.  There was nothing in this sandwich that stood a chance of being left on the tray.  The bread was fresh, warm, and complicit to the debauchery occurring between its buns.  If it sounds dirty, that's because it was.  Plenty of napkins are pretty much a requirement.  We split a 12", but I probably could have killed it myself.  Best that I didn't though, as consuming half didn't slow me down all that much.  In any case, I left knowing that Ted and I started a sleazy little love affair....... Last, but not least, I must mention the handwritten sign that greets you upon exiting, "You've just experienced the David Lee Roth of cheesesteaks".  The slogan forced my brain to digest a complex thought, just as my gut attempted to digest large quantities of beef, cheese, bread, and onions.  Brilliant.


Now, this review would be incomplete without a mention of the service.  I've read many reviews that criticized the attitude in Denver Ted's.  First of all, from our experience, the guys behind the counter were brief, but friendly, even when I used my Groupon-like discount.  The place gets busy, so my advice in a place like this is:  Know what you're getting into and go with the flow.  This is a taste of Philly in a hole in the wall, not the newest place to be seen.  And that's probably a good thing as you wax primal and get down to business.  We even noticed that one of the cooks gave two guys at the next table vouchers for free subs for getting their order wrong, even though the guys cleaned their plates.  My point is that service fluctuates, and a lot of variables play into service and your experience.  Keep your mind open, and make the decisions yourself.  You never know where you'll find your own personal piece of food heaven.  Keep exploring....