Saturday, December 24, 2011

Taking a Big Bite out of History

Everyone knows the old saying, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do".  I take this saying to mean that whenever you visit a new locale, you need to check out the celebrated fare and beverage.  So, when my girlfriend and I headed to Pittsburgh for a quick overnight trip to Pittsburgh earlier this week, national chain restaurants were not an option.  It was my first time (save airport layovers) visiting the Steel City, and there was one thing that I just HAD to try:  A sandwich from the original Primanti Brothers Restaurant.  As seen on the Food Network and revered by many, this staple of Pittsburgh dining in the middle of the Strip District has been drawing crowds for several generations.  The typical Primanti sandwich consists of meat, cole slaw, and fries shoved comfortably in between to pieces of French bread.  The point of combining the ingredients was so that truck drivers and workers could eat with one hand while driving with the other.  Almost eighty years, it's a must-see for those visiting downtown, and one would be remiss to leave the city without wolfing down a sandwich that represents Pittsburgh's hard-working persona.  So, after a night of many beers, we headed downtown the next morning to visit the town's most famous dining option.

Pardon my French, but Pittsburgh is a clusterfuck, from a driver's standpoint.  The bridges, roads, and rivers provide interesting urban scenery and topographic texture, but finding your way around is a nightmare.  Even with a co-pilot manning a GPS, you're bound to get turned around once or twice.  I'm going to assume that the person(s) that put signs on the bridges was killed by angry Pittsburghers.  The hunger was building, but eventually we arrived in the Strip District, an area of old markets and warehouses next to the Allegheny River.  Under grey skies and in an area that hearkened back to the heavy industrial days of yore, we spotted the scene of the culinary crime that was about to occur.

As cold on the outside as it was on the inside
We walked in and experienced a little difficulty in the seating department.  After being told to seat ourselves, we plopped down in a booth, much to the chagrin of the Eastern European girl behind the bar.  It seems the booth was off limits, so she instructed our waitress to awkwardly move us to another table.  No matter; we checked out the wall menu and ordered cheese steak and pastrami sandwiches. The countdown was on.

Timeless menu, adorned with holiday cheer

We were surrounded by Steelers fans and ghosts of blue-collared workers from the past.  Even though my body craved water, I couldn't pass up washing down the sandwich with a beer, so I ordered a bottle of Yuengling.  Less than five minutes later, the main attraction had arrived.

Let's get down to business


The sandwich arrived on wax paper, with no utensils and no condiments on the table except hot sauce.

Upon further inspection, I'm going to make a mess

So we dug in, barely breathing as we tore down Pittsburgh's finest.  The cheese steak was more of a burger, actually, and the thick-cut bread sopped up the greasy fries, cole slaw that would usually make up side dishes.  The sandwiches were good, but they're not going to bowl you over with flavor.  the most distinctive flavor came from the slaw, which was vinegar-based and quite zesty.  I thought the sandwich would be much larger, but to be honest, the size was perfect for one sitting.  With nothing but scraps on the table, we moved on to the next task:  Payment.  Another look at the menu board confirmed our fear- the joint is cash only.  Anxiety struck.  We only had credit cards... This woman is going to kick our asses!!

Bourdain on the tube.  Hey, yinz know it's cash only?

Luckily, there's an ATM in the lobby, so I finished my beer and headed over to the bar/cashier and handed said bitchy European woman a $20.  She placed three dollar bills on the counter, which I planned on putting down on the table as a tip for our waitress.  But before I could pick up the change, she grabbed them back and thanked me.  I would have rather ripped up the bills and thrown them away than hand them to her.....

We headed out the door with our bellies full and a couple observations and future tips on the whole experience.  I'll pass them along, so that you don't look like a fool if/when you go in:

1) Primanti Brothers is fast food.  Don't go in with the expectations of a normal, sit down dining experience.  The purpose of the place is to get you in and out the door.

2) Act like you own it.  The place can be a little intimidating to the noob, so look like you know what you're doing.  When they ask you to seat yourself, sit down and start ordering.  Be decisive and quick.  It may help your cause to black and gold.

3) Order the corned beef or pastrami.  There was very little flavor to the meat, and it made the sandwich pretty bland overall.  Good, but bland.  Erin's corned beef sandwich had a lot more flavor.

4) Go for the experience.  This place is the heart and soul of Pittsburgh, and nostalgia central.   Nothing against Primanti's but I can get a much tastier sandwich in my own neighborhood at Snarf's or Denver Ted's.  Heck, you can get much better food directly outside Primanti Brothers from street vendors on Penn. Avenue.  But you miss out on the experience and the chance to glimpse into yesteryear.

5) Prepare yourself for kitschy, abrasive "charm".  I had no idea that part of the allure was the fact that they seem irritated that you're there.  Personally, I think a smile and attitude goes a long way, but dealing with perpetually grey skies and people in a hurry would piss me off, too.

6) Bring cash.  I'm sure the other 19 or so Primanti Brothers restaurants take credit cards, but they seem to relish in only taking cash at the original.  Irritating?  Yes.  It's a big tourist attraction. But the prices are reasonable, and they do have an ATM, so deal with it.

7) Go in drunk.  Preferably really late night at night, when you're drunk.  It's perfect for 3 AM, as it's not spicy and it will soak everything up. 


Truth be told, I liked the place, and I liked the sandwich.  I would go again, fully prepared with adjusted expectations.  Are there better places to eat in the City of Bridges?  Certainly.  But when you one-hand a Primanti sandwich, you're saluting the thousands and thousands of millworkers and wholesalers who needed a good, cheap meal-and didn't have the time to enjoy it or even eat it with two hands.  Foodies, add this to your "to-do" list, and in the meantime check out their website.  Enjoy, and remember to support independent restaurants!