Nobody Beats the Whiz (with)

Before I go out to eat somewhere new, I do my background research.  I love reviews-they're subjective as hell, but I DO take advice, or at least I take information into consideration.  So, when Denver Daily Deals had a $10 worth of food for $5 at Denver Ted's Cheesesteaks, it took me all of 30 seconds to assess the collective view of the Yelpers and pull the trigger.  I could tell from the reviews that service/attitude may be questionable, but the sandwich should be solid.  Besides, it's less than one city block from my lady friend's apartment.  They're only open 11-7 Monday through Saturday, so I thought that it may be a while before we checked it out, because it would have to be late week/weekend before we had a chance to walk over, and my weekends are literally booked for several months.  But the opportunity came much sooner, and Monday we headed over for lunch.

                                    It's what on the inside that counts....

Once inside, it's clear that there is only one function of this place, and that's to make cheesesteaks.  I like a place that is purpose driven.  The decor is not going to distract you; the old benches, bar tables, and tile ceiling remind you that this place has been in business for a while, and not because it tried to create a hip ambiance.  Pretty plain, but somebody's a fan of good music; I did notice a John Scofield "Mile High 2005" poster framed on the wall, along with a the pinups and concert fliers for a lot of good bands.  Just sayin'.  On to the menu, which is simple and to the point.....

Seriously, if you walk in this joint and special order, they should absolutely charge you extra....

So, some of my friends go in to places like this, order something the place is not known for, and complain.  That is taboo in my book.  Order what a place is known for!  Any cheesesteak enthusiast knows that the only way to order is Whiz With.  Sure, Cheese Whiz is kind of gross, on principle.  I'd never put it on a cheese tray or pair it with wine, but there's something about the way that it interacts with the steak that is in my mind distinctive and delicious.  I think it's the fact that Cheese Whiz melts and liquefies immediately when it touches the hot sandwich.  Provolone and American are good on sandwiches, but the way Whiz interacts with the ingredients is memorable; a distinguishing taste difference between a sandwich shoppe and a proper cheesesteak establishment.  So, without delay, I ordered a large, Whiz With.  Like any hole in the wall in Philly, no one blinked an eye with the order because that's how it's supposed to be done....

                                                   Let's do this.

Approximately ten minutes eclipsed, and one of the guys finally brought our steak sandwich over to us.  I say "finally" because watching others receive their subs made me hungry enough to consider taking my belt off and gnawing on it.  But alas, here it was:

 Oh, cheesesteak, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you.....


There's a certain beauty to a simple culinary concoction done properly.  There was nothing in this sandwich that stood a chance of being left on the tray.  The bread was fresh, warm, and complicit to the debauchery occurring between its buns.  If it sounds dirty, that's because it was.  Plenty of napkins are pretty much a requirement.  We split a 12", but I probably could have killed it myself.  Best that I didn't though, as consuming half didn't slow me down all that much.  In any case, I left knowing that Ted and I started a sleazy little love affair....... Last, but not least, I must mention the handwritten sign that greets you upon exiting, "You've just experienced the David Lee Roth of cheesesteaks".  The slogan forced my brain to digest a complex thought, just as my gut attempted to digest large quantities of beef, cheese, bread, and onions.  Brilliant.


Now, this review would be incomplete without a mention of the service.  I've read many reviews that criticized the attitude in Denver Ted's.  First of all, from our experience, the guys behind the counter were brief, but friendly, even when I used my Groupon-like discount.  The place gets busy, so my advice in a place like this is:  Know what you're getting into and go with the flow.  This is a taste of Philly in a hole in the wall, not the newest place to be seen.  And that's probably a good thing as you wax primal and get down to business.  We even noticed that one of the cooks gave two guys at the next table vouchers for free subs for getting their order wrong, even though the guys cleaned their plates.  My point is that service fluctuates, and a lot of variables play into service and your experience.  Keep your mind open, and make the decisions yourself.  You never know where you'll find your own personal piece of food heaven.  Keep exploring....

The Storm from Hell/Dinner with Seitan

The Setup
I keep trying to take Erin out to a nice meal, but sometimes I think that it just isn't going to happen.  Something always comes up, or the restaurant just happens to close early that day.  The other night was no exception.  I've been telling her about D Bar for a while.  D Bar (Dessert Bar) is the restaurant owned by pastry chef and Food Network regular Keegan Gerhard.  It's a hip, award-winning restaurant that happens to be a couple hundred yards from my house.  It's a foodie haven known for creative dishes and plated desserts-you need to plan on spending a few hours if you want to do it right.  We were running late, so we decided to postpone our visit and head to City Grille, on Colfax.  It's known for top-notch burgers (imagine that!) and she had a 2-for-1 coupon, so we parked in the alley and got ready to walk around the building.  At that exact moment, the heavens came crashing down with several close lightning strikes, a little hail, and pouring rain.  We decided to wait it out in the car, but as the rain came down harder, I noticed that water was starting to roar through the alley.  After last weeks in-town flash flood (3-4" of rain in an hour) I decided to back my car out and leave our precarious parking spot.  Intent on heading back to my place, I turned north on Sherman and thought about taking a right on 17th, but I could see raging water covering the road, so I kept going to 19th and took a right.  We went one block and realized that the middle was the only part of the road NOT under water.  Cars that were parallel parked on the side already had water to their doors!  I put the hazards on and realized that the only place to go was straight forward with momentum and even then I didn't know how deep the water was.  A car crossing the street in front of us plowed through what was at least a foot of water.  Against better judgment and fearing being trapped in our spot, I decided to chance it and drive through the intersection.  In this case, it worked.  We made it through to Park Boulevard.  We turned off on Ogden and pulled into a lot on a hill, along with several other cars.  Several side streets were under a decent amount of water, so we waited there about a half hour and realized another pressing issue:  My car was about to run out of gas!  So, we carefully made our way back to Colfax and headed back to downtown.  Apparently, Denver streets are incapable of handling heavy amounts of rain in short periods of time.  Colfax was submerged, and driving down the street, you could actually feel waves of water hitting the side of the car door from cars and trucks headed the other direction!  We couldn't make it to the gas station, but luckily we made it back to Erin's apartment on Capital Hill.  I'm not going to lie, I was relieved to make it back to her place.  It was a miserable, stressful hour and a half drive around central Denver, and to top it off we were still starving!

The Conundrum
It was close to 12 on a Tuesday night- not much would be open, not too many places still delivering.  Denver looks like a bigger city than it really is..... the Capitol Hill neighborhood is pretty happening, but in reality there are very few true 24 hour cities.  So, at a late hour, with limited options and a low desire to venture far from the house, we did a little inventory of what may be open in the neighborhood.  I've had too much pizza lately, and I wasn't really feeling Asian cuisine, so Erin reminded me that City, O' City, a vegetarian/vegan restaurant/bar four blocks down, stays open until 2 a.m.  I've been wanting to check it out for several months, but it was always the wrong time to check it out, so it's fitting that I'd finally get my chance on a night when it wasn't even an option several hours earlier.  Vegetarian food is a weird thing to me; I don't partake too often, but I honestly like the flavor of a lot of meat alternatives and textured proteins.  I also love garbonzos, eggplants, and other beans and vegetables used in place of animals.  If the place knows what it's doing, I find vegetarian or vegan cuisine to be quite creative.  BUT, I have to be in the right mood for it, and I was not in the right mood.

The Restaurant
I wanted a burger earlier, after all.  But, given the situation and all we'd been through, I just wanted a place that would serve me food and a drink.  So, after one more extremely close lightning strike to keep us in check, we finally headed down the street to the restaurant.  It's a popular place, but not pretentious, which is refreshing considering that it's located in Denver's most bohemian neighborhood.  Punks and hipsters abound, but City, O'City is casual, comfortable, and dimly lit.  It looked like a great refuge from the bizarro weather that had plagued the city all evening, so we sat down and ordered glasses of wine.  They've got great drink specials, among them $2 Great Divide drafts from 7 to midnight and $3 glasses of wine.  Glasses of wine in hand (stout pours) we eyed the menu.

Erin ordered the Gaza Grinder, which consists of  hummus, greek salad, french fries, feta, sriracha aioli, and flat bread.  I decided to order the Seitan wings.  Several people have told me that they're unlike anything they've ever had, and they show up frequently if you search Yelp reviews, so I gave them a shot, with buffalo sauce and a house-made, non-dairy ranch dip.  About ten minutes later, our food arrived:

 

                           City, O'City is low on lighting, but high on flavor

Now, for those of you not familiar with Seitan (and I'm by no means an expert), it's made with wheat gluten or flour, and can be prepared in a variety of ways.  It's been used in Asian cuisine and is growing in popular in American health food stores and restaurants, as it is high in protein and similar in texture to meats.  It's also particularly good at taking on the flavors of marinades.  So, how did everything taste?  Well, the grinder was a safe choice.  I love Mediterranean and Middle Eastern flavors, so hummus and Greek salad in a gyro wrap was predictably tasty.  Pretty good; nothing special and rather bland if it weren't for the sriracha.  But the wings!  They look like some type of weird chicken strips, and you can smell the heat of the buffalo sauce emanating from them.  One bite into a wing, and I could tell that this was something special.  The texture is crispy outside, slightly spongy on the inside, and filled with flavor.  They taste like a fatty wing-the part and taste that you crave, but feel guilty about consuming in quantity.  And the helping is rather large, probably about 15 "wings".  Enough for four or five as an appetizer, or more than enough for one person for around $9.  Now I usually prefer dipping wings in bleu cheese, but the place is vegan, so what are you going to do?  I just wanted something to cool the raging inferno in my mouth.  These things were hot.  It probably didn't help that we were drinking wine, that our water at the table was room temperature, or that the place just happened to be a little warm that night.  It was a perfect recipe for heartburn, or as one Yelp reviewer mentioned, possibly for Chrohn's.  But despite the heat, I couldn't stop consuming the damn things!  

Eventually, I had them boxed up and took them home.  But first, we had another glass of wine, which we deserved after all the effort it took to get to dinner.  Plus, it's a chill place.  Again, a good bar with good drink specials and vegetarian-only cuisine?  Well, that just means that you have to try something different.  And I would start with the wings, but maybe with just a little less heat.  I'll be back soon!

Walking back with a good view of the capitol, which apparently survived the flood....




*Follow-up.  The next day I ate the wings for lunch.  I ate them cold, straight out of the fridge.  Interestingly they were no where near as spicy hot as the night before.  Also, I looked up a few recipes for seitan wings, and quite a few people have had considerable success preparing them at home.  Personally, I love to cook, but I don't deep fry anything.  It's messy and dangerous, so I'll save it for the experts.  Besides, in the spirit of sustainability, the used cooking oil at City, O' City is eventually recycled into biodiesel.  Plus, the turnover of oil assures you that your food is being cooked in fresh oil and the food is tasty! 

Feeling a Little Chile at Lunchtime

There are plenty of things that I should be doing today-I have a critical thinking paper due Monday, the laundry pile is a little high, and I should devote a little time to some work for my internship.  But, it's 80 degrees and sunny, and I feel something in the air.  All outdoor patios in the area are full, and people seem to have started the weekend early.  Not many lunch options at the crib, and I'm a little tired of turkey sandwiches, anyway (not that turkey sandwiches are the only thing that I've eaten this week).  So, when I spotted the Steuben's Truck between 17th and 18th on Sherman, I knew that I'd need to make a stop.  I drove around the corner and parked in front of Wells Fargo Bank, intending on getting $20 out to get lunch and put some gas in the car, but the lure of the food truck made me forget to go to the ATM.  My mind simply put blinders on and guided me to the small crowd of people gathered around the blue truck.

 No, seriously.  I had no idea the food truck would be here, at this particular time and location....

Food trucks are still a new thing to me-they were a total rarity in NC.  I've noticed that they seem to be growing in popularity across the nation, and they've definitely developed a following in Denver.  The Steuben's truck travels far and wide, in fact they just traveled the country a few months ago. They're a venture by Steuben's Restaurant in the Uptown neighborhood, which is a must-visit in Denver, as anyone that has visited me so far can attest. Luckily the neighborhood is close enough to my pad that you could literally roll me home. But I'll give you the restaurant rundown on another post.  Soon, I promise.  Back to the food trucks, social media has turned their existence into a celebrity-spotting, of sorts, around town (Hey, did you hear where so-and-so is today?)-everyone updates their location via FB or Twitter.   Okay- So now's the time where I come clean and tell you that I didn't just happen to stumble on "Pearl"-as she's known.  I knew damn well where she'd be.....  So I walked up and checked out the menu.

                     Nothing to see here....just move along.....


I thought about it briefly, but after watching a few episodes of Man vs. Food last night, I couldn't get my mind off of cheeseburgers.  Granted, I seem to only write about burgers lately, but Denver is by some accounts the birthplace of the Cheeseburger itself!  Anyway, I wanted a little variation, so I went for the green chile cheeseburger.

Don't know if I can make it home without a bite.  Maybe I should flip the hazards on and run some red lights.....

Yeah, I just went for the burger.....I just didn't need any fries today.  Granted Steuben's fries are phenomenal, but just not necessary.  After all, I saw the size of sandwiches that other patrons hauled off.  So, I grabbed my burger and started to walk away, when I noticed several people munching on something odd out of a paper cone.

Hmmm.....something fried, something with powdered sugar on it....tell me more......

They offered me one and told me what they were-a treat called "Steubie Snacks".  Bits of pork shoulder deep fried and dusted with powdered sugar.  Are you kidding me?  They offered one-who am I to resist?  The chunk was decadent beyond words, sweet, salty, crispy, and addictive, I'm sure.  The food equivalent of crack cocaine.  I'll order them for unsuspecting visitors in the future, for shizzle.  In the meantime, I drove the mile back to my house, ready to munch down on the burger.

Environmental responsibility is a big thing with Steuben's and Pearl.  Pearl runs off of vegetable oil from their cooking, and solar panels help provide power to the mobile goodness machine.  Steuben's also takes great pride in sourcing ingredients from the area.  The burger was no exception.  Starting with a sweet challah bun from Udi's and a big burger patty from River Ranches Beef in Steamboat (from what I've read), the sandwich is a direct replica of the burger served at the Owl Cafe in San Antonio, NM- widely regarded as THE authority on green chile burgers.  Supposedly, the Steuben's crew headed down and researched it extensively!  In any case, the fresh patties are given a rub, then covered with melted cheese and topped by green chiles.  Mayo, lettuce, tomato, onions and pickles are then laid on top.  The result is somewhat spicy chiles held in place by the cheese just long enough for you to take a gigantic chomp out of it.  Perfectly seasoned, undeniably fresh, enjoyably sloppy, and large enough to go without sides, I think I made the right choice for lunch.  Even better, when I got home I realized I had one Odell's St. Lupulin Extra Pale Ale to go with the burger.

 Nothing wrong with a beer for lunch, right? I mean, I passed on the fries!

Hoppy, crisp, but with little aftertaste, it was a perfect match for the Southwestern twist on an American staple.  Probably a good thing I only had one in the fridge, because it went down like water, and I have stuff to do.  Seriously, I could see my self stalking food trucks, and that's not the Odell's talking.  Convenient, delicious, inexpensive, and often distinguishing themselves with signature twists on their menu, they're another reminder of how fun and exciting a meal can be.  And with that, I'd better get back to my homework.  I've got a ticket to Widespread Panic tomorrow at Red Rocks, and the Electric Forest Festival to attend next week, and lots of work to do in the meantime.  I'd better get started.  Right after this nap.....

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

One of the coolest things about Denver is the palpable sense of history.  Last week, we decided to capture some frontier essence and eat somewhere legendary.  I thought about it for a few minutes and realized that it was time to visit the oldest bar in the town, My Brother's Bar.  Originally established in 1873 as Highland House, MBB has been pouring drinks continuously for almost 140 years.

The real claim to fame, though, is the former clientele.  The bar was known as the local watering hole for two of most prominent figures from the Beat Generation, Neal Cassady and Jack Kerouac.  Cassady, a Denver native, was the inspiration for Kerouac's On the Road (and later, the Grateful Dead's "The Other One" and "Cassidy.") Supposedly, they lived off greasy burgers served in wax paper, and ran up tabs in the dark, unmarked bar. 

So what can you expect, these days? We drove down to the River District, an area gentrified in the last decade.  The REI flagship store is down the block, and the hip restaurants of Highland right up the hill.  My Brother's Bar, though, involves no fanfare-there's not even a sign outside to let you know what you're getting into. When you walk inside, you witness a non-pretentious remnant of yesteryear, including a menu that hasn't changed in eons.  A nostalgic, slightly musty smell adds to the ambiance, and with a beautiful old bar and employees in ties, you realize that you're not in the hip new fusion spot that popped up on the corner.  I would call it "Sophisticated simplicity."  A quaint, dimly lit beer garden begs you to sit outside, but on this chilly June evening, we elected to soak up the atmosphere and sit inside near the bar and check out the highly-regarded pub fare.

The beer list is rather short-but that's fine when you've got good ones on draught.  We ordered a pitcher of Odell's IPA and waited for the burgers to arrive.  I ordered the Johnny Burger, which featured three cheeses and onions.  My girlfriend ordered the JCB, which stands for Jalapeno Cream Cheese Burger.  You couldn't go wrong either way.   Every meal comes with a condiment tray- an impressive box that will allow you to dress up your burger anyway you see fit.  We ordered fries and onion rings to accompany the meal, but frankly they were sidenotes to the amazing burgers.  Now these burgers are not going to wow anyone with gourmet twists; they will hit you instead with simple, in-your-face goodness.  The talking ceased, the burgers disappeared, and instead of dessert we opted for a pitcher of Fuller's London Pride (unexpected surprise of a session beer!)  Anyway, with our stomachs full, we vowed to return-SOON.

Now I hate to read reviews where people compare apples to oranges-the service is slow in this type of bar.  If you want fast, friendly service, go to Outback or Chili's.  If you want one of the best (if not THE best) burgers in Denver-and authenticity and a sense of place mean something to you, then go to My Brother's Bar and order a pitcher of beer and kick back.  Better yet, let me know and I'll go with you.  The food will arrive soon enough, and believe me-when it gets there, it'll be worth it.